Ice Cream Tango

Freshly off work, I thought I’d stop by the local ice cream parlor for a quick snack before heading home to the house of horrors. Greeted by the cream dealer like an old friend I ordered my usual. Sitting peacefully for a moment was a treasure. Why you ask? Remember when, three sentences ago, I mentioned something about a “house of horrors”? Well, rather than explain it to you, why don’t I just show you?

Not five minutes after I’d stepped through the door she entered. A chill scratched down my spine even before I heard her voice ring out. “Jason! There you are!” Let’s get formalities and introductions out of the way, yeah? The voice belongs to a girl. The girl is my live-in girlfriend, regrettably. Regrettably for reasons you are soon to be privy too. “Alright,” She stood with her hands on her hips as I slowly spun on my stool to face her. “Where is she?”

I looked left and right, my spoon hanging out of my mouth. “Who?”

“The slut your sleazing around with.”

I sputtered and nearly choked on plastic and dairy byproducts. “Who??”

“You heard me!” She yelled, successfully gathering every single person in the joint’s attention. 

“Wha-? Who-”

“And what’s with the ice cream? Huh?? You think I wouldn’t notice?!”

“Notice what??”

“The ice cream you idiot!”

I wore the strangest look that clearly conveyed to her that I was completely lost in this conversation. She slapped her forehead in exasperation. “You’re eating ice cream.” She spelled out.

“Yes.” I agreed only because it was the truth.


“Yes.” I said again, still confused as to what all the hub-bub was about.

“Alone?” She emphasized the questioned, staring at me intently.

“I’m sitting here alone ain’t I?” Normally my grammar is a bit more scholarly except when being accused of something that is clearly not true.

“I don’t like your attitude.” She confronted.

“Well I don’t like you attitude.” I threw back.

“You’re an ass!”

“So are you!”

“We’re through! I’ve had it!”

“Fine by me, I was gonna break up with you anyways!”

She gasped as if struck. “Really?” Her perfect doe eyes blinked at me in honest hurt. Instantly I deflated.

“Well, I mean… I just said it, you know?” Subconsciously my eyes shifted, uncomfortable with the gazes our argument had drawn. Great, now I just look like a jerk.

“But, after all we’d been through?” She whimpered. “You were just going to leave me? Just like that?”

Damn, what could I say? She had me cornered like a mouse.  “Ah Alish…” I was drawn. I could either end it with her now, really end it with her, and feel like the scum of the earth for the rest of my life; or I could consol her and still feel like the scum of the earth because she makes me feel that way.

Now I know a lot of people out there are yelling at me right now. Leave her! They shout. She’s psycho! Drop her ass now while you still can! But you must understand… I’m a nice guy. Like, genuinely, a nice guy. I don’t like to make girls cry anymore than I like to clean. Which is sayin’ something.

“Ah Alish… don’t cry.” I gave in. I did! I crumbled under the feminine pressure of the possibly of tears. It’s pathetic, I admit, but could you have done differently? Could you have shoved your girlfriend aside and walked out of an ice cream parlor with your cotton candy sundae like the boss-pimp you most obviously are and not feel the least bit remorseful?

I slid off my seat and gave Alish a hug. I smelled the wicked wafting off her even as she smiled up into my eyes. “Let’s try to work it out, okay?” Even as she said this she snatched the cup of blue and pink from my hand and started sucking it down like my soul.

Yeah, this is going to last.     


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