“And then I was all like, excuse me? You did not just text that to me. I mean, like, why would he even say that?”

I shook my head, not because I didn’t know why he said that to her via text (I actually did, but that’s a different story), but because a half an hour into the conversation I felt as if all of my precious, precious brain cells had committed suicide via cyanide and melted away.

“I mean, I’m cute, I’m mature, I know what I’m talking about!”

Silently, staring beyond her head, I shook my head again.

“That lil’ bitch should just know to keep her nose out of other people’s business. I mean, like, just because he invited her doesn’t mean anything. He obviously still likes me better.” Loudly I groaned. She looked at me sharply, taken out of her zone. “What’s your problem?”

“Your stupidity is literally oozing all over me.” I sighed. “I’m afraid I’m going to catch it.”

“Excuse me?” She crinkled her nose.

“Go away.” I said bluntly.

“Uhm, who are you to complain?” She snapped her fingers. “You know nothing about me child.”

And that was it. I could take it no more. Pulling out my Smack Down Hand, I set about beating the girl across from me remorselessly. She tried to defend herself, but soon she collapsed on the ground in a sobbing fit.

“And let that be a lesson to you!”  I snarled as I stepped over her.

Feeling infinitely better about myself and the world I lived in, I skipped down the hall from then on considering myself a vigilante to all those who had ever dealt with an unreasonable amount of stupidity in their life. Help was on the way! 


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