Bazooka 15

Bare save the TV, a nightstand, and a bed the room was dim despite the broad daylight outside, dark blue curtains being drawn. And there he lay. He was everything I thought he’d be and more. Very big and very bulldog-ish, his jowls forming something like double chins tumbling down to his collarbones. He sat up in bed, a stack of pillows at his back, and stared at the small TV screen across the room.

I cleared my throat. I cleared my frickin’ throat to get his attention. He looked over at me, seeming very confused at first. He glanced back at the TV before reaching back between the pillows, pulling out a gun. I ducked out of the doorframe and hit the floor just as bullets riddled the walls. “Hey,” I shouted as there was a pause in the firing. “You’re under arrest!”

“Kiss my ass!” He shouted back and bullets once again began flying. He had to run out of bullets eventually, which he did. Taking the pause I peeked back into the room and saw he had not moved from the bed, and then realized he was not able to due to his apparent failing health. A moment of sadness tugged at my heart. “Surrender now!” I shouted, pulling from my pockets the handcuffs Ricardo gave me. “You’ve got nowhere to run!”

“Kiss my ass!” He shouted again. “I’m not going nowhere!”

“You’re mom’s left you Greg!” I said, taking the low road. “There’s nobody left in your corner. Let me take you in and maybe─” He by then managed to reload his gun and let off another round. I fell back against the wall and scrambled for an idea. If there are classes for capturing criminals I should have taken one.

You mean the police academy?” Officer Buck looked at me.

“Or, you know, something along those lines.” I blushed.

“Listen!” I shouted. “There’s no way you’re leaving this house by yourself! You can barely walk! Let me help you,”

“Help you take me in for some reward!” Bulldog shouted. “It’s so measly no one else wants it, so they send you…” He trails off into a low, depressed chuckle.

“You’re right,” I said. “I have no idea what I’m doing. But I’m not stupid. You’re eventually going to be caught. Would you rather it be me to Annett?” I took a gamble. A huge gamble. I had no idea if this guy even knew who Annett was, but I had to try something. There was silence. No talking back, no gun fire. I’d found my niche. “Listen, your crimes aren’t too severe. You get booked, you serve your time, you’re out in a jiffy. You can get your life on track. Don’t you want your mom to come back?” More silence. Slowly I crept closer to the doorframe. “Hey man, it’s never too late─”

A flurry of silent mission flew past me and into the room. Bulldog began roaring up a storm. I quickly leaned in to see Pete the Bird mauling Greg. With a few expert pecks and blinding wings about the head the gun was dropped. Silently I congratulated by companion and readied myself to move in for the kill. Pete flew up, over, and around the man in bed before tucking his wings and dive-bombing directly into his face. Greg, or Bulldog, fell back unconscious, never knowing what hit him.


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