The Lonely Princess pt 2

The next morning the princess was awoken by a hand on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and found herself on the streets, leaning against a light post. Sitting up a horrible headache rocked her mind. She glanced to her right and startled considerably. The man from the pub sat next to her, looking as awful as she felt.

“What happened?” She looked up at the now bright and sunny sky.

“You asked me to marry you and I said yes.” He said.

The princess shook off her hangover and looked at the man, confused. “We were drinking,”

He nodded. “We were both drunk. I don’t regret what I said, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to black mail you into going through with it.”

“What are you saying?” She asked.

He shrugged. “I’d like to know you better. Have dinner with me?” The princess’s breath caught in her throat. Truth was, she remembered the night before. Truth was, she did like him. Truth was, they were from different worlds.

The princess laughed, hiding her smile behind her hand just as her mother did at the countless parties she hosted. “Me? Go on a date with a commoner? A bar tender no less? You must have hit your head while drunk. I can’t believe, even intoxicated, I would propose to someone like you.”

“I understand.” He said as she stood and turned away. Walking back to her inn she consoled her worried maid and bade her pack quickly for departure so as to leave the town in haste.

She felt as foolish as a person could feel. She had come this far and now she was just going to run away? Perhaps love, the love she’d so desperately been searching for all this time, had offered itself to her and she’d been too heartless to take it up on the offer. How would it look, a princess running into the arms of a bar owner? She tried to convince herself it would be shameful.

That’s it. Now she understood why everyone insisted she never try. To find a decent man she could stand was all someone like her could hope for. The princess looked out the window of her carriage as it drove out of town into the countryside, the feelings of emptiness and loneliness coming to her stronger than ever. The face of the bar owner mocked the corners of her mind. It was too unbearable.

With little care to momentum the princesses threw open the carriage door without warning, taking a tumbling leap out onto the grass. Shouts from her company fell into the distance as she ran the way she’d fled desperately from. Back up the road, back to the town, back to the bar. Bursting through the door of the small, dear little tavern she found him behind the counter polishing glasses. He looked up, curious, as the princess stormed up to him. “Sir,” she said, standing at the counter looking very decided. “I accept your invitation for dinner.”

“Great,” he said in return, a small smile of amusement playing at his lips. “Where would you like to go?” After little deliberation the couple revisited their first meeting; the same time, the same table, but with slightly less alcohol so as to avoid misunderstanding.

The bar owner and princes began seeing each other on a regular basis and a few months later became engaged. They married in the bar they first met at and together moved to the princess’s home country where they ruled happily together for many years, rearing five children in the process. The princess never felt her heart ache of loneliness again, and though the couple still drank never again did they near the level of intoxication which had first brought them together.

The Lonely Princess pt 1

Once upon a time there was a princess who felt terribly lonely. Though she was surrounded by family and friends every day a dull pain would constantly distract her, growing into a stabbing of the heart late at night when alone. She cooped many years with her feelings of loneliness but after some time grew tired of baring it. Approaching her father and mother she asked for her solace to end; quite simply, to be married. Her parents were surprised, previously unaware of their daughter’s feelings. Approving of her wish they sent notice as far and wide as they could, telling all the princes of the news. The princess would travel from kingdom to kingdom until she found a prince she would be happy with. Excited her plight could finally come to an end she packed for the trip eagerly and was on her way within a week.

The first kingdom she visited was close by, less than a day’s ride from her home. There lived a prince she was familiar with. They were childhood friends in fact. The princess didn’t see the prince romantically but decided to feel out every plausible option just in case. The courting went as she expected. The two had a pleasant lunch and walked through the gardens the span of the afternoon. Though the prince did give it a good go the princess felt nothing more than friendly affection for the young man. She left early next morning to continue her search.

Months passed with little success. At one time she thought she’d fallen in love with one particularly handsome prince but soon found out they had very different opinions on tax reform. The maids told her she was far too picky—she would be wise to pick a prince of decent looks who she could stand to spend a few hours with everyday to settle on. It was the only way to ensure a secure future. The princess knew it was what was expected, but no matter how badly the pain came to her at night she could not bring herself to settle. Still she traveled, and still she found nothing. Every prince was too boring, too childish, too tall, too short, too skinny, too wide, too dumb, too smart, or just plain old too different for the princess to truly like. The pain at night in her heart grew steadily worse until she thought for sure she would die for how hard sleep came to her.

Many months passed. Unable to sleep and in a foreign land far from home she decided to walk about the small town her caravan had stopped in for the night to find a place open and serving food. She found a small tavern on a pleasant enough side street well lit and moderately populated. She sat at a table and moped about her situation with a drink. The chair across her became occupied as a smiling young man sat down. “Hello,” he started. “I saw you sitting alone and thought you might like some company. My name’s Paul.” The princess remained silent, eyeing the man.

“I suppose you’re a prince?” The princess took his hand in a delicate sort of way.

The man looked curious and shook his head. “Afraid not. I own this tavern.”

“Oh.” The princess opened her eyes wide.

“So what brings you here?”

“Ah,” she begins. “It’s a bit embarrassing actually.”

“Embarrassing isn’t necessarily bad.” He said.

“You’ll think I’m childish.” She insisted.

“Maybe. But I won’t stop talking to you because of it.”

The princess thought a moment before caving. “Alright. I’m traveling from place to place to find a husband.

“A husband?” The man raised his eyebrows.

“A man I love more like.” The princess confessed. “You see, I’ve never been in love and I’m terribly lonely because of it. I want to be married so I won’t be lonely anymore.”

“You’re right, it is childish.” The man laughed. “Let me buy you a drink.” An hour later the two were intoxicated, significantly enough to have an open discussion on romance. “I mean,” the man slurred is words. “You can’t just marry a guy because your lonely. It makes you look desperate.”

“But I am desperate.” The princess whined. “You don’t know what it’s like to lay in bed every night cold and alone.”

“Course I do,” the man corrected. “That’s what I do every night.”

“Do you?” The princess asked. “Well, you should get married too!” She exclaimed.

“I don’t know. I can’t seem to find a girl I can get along with. When you marry someone you have to spend a lot of time together, right?”

“Right.” The princess nodded her head in an exaggerated manner.

“But every girl I meet never has the time! They want to marry right away and won’t bother with a guy like me who wants to take the time of day to know: will I still like you ten years from now?”

“You know what?” The princess slurred, sitting tilted in her chair. She tried pointing to the man across from her but found there were three instead of one. “We should get married.”

“We should?” The man asked, eyes half closed.

“Yes.” The princess insisted. “We have an understanding.”

“That we do.”

“We enjoy each other’s company.”

“True.”

“We’re not getting any younger.”

“Noooo…”

“So why not?”

“Why not is the question. Let us be married!” The man poured two new drinks for celebration.

“A toast to us.” The princess raised her glass.

“Here here!” They drained their drinks and spent the rest of the night planning their extravagant wedding; to take place in the tavern they first met at of course. Too bad for the happy couple words promised while drunk are often not promised at all.

Only Words

“I met a man.”

“Really? Tell me everything.”

“Well… It was Saturday night,”

“Oh my God! You were at a club, weren’t you?”

“Uh,”

“Oh, I can see it now. The lights are dim, the strobes are high, and there he is. Shirt unbuttoned, sweat dripping, skin glistening. He slowly makes his way across the dance floor, bedroom eyes in full effect, hips─”

“We weren’t at a club.”

“So a coffee shop, right? I can see it now. You’re sitting by the window, the night life outside dewy with rain. Did it rain Saturday night? He walks in, white shirt soaked so every muscular detail shines through. He looks at you, you look at him. He approached your table, hips swaying─”

“Why are you going on about hips so much?”

“It’s been awhile…”

“No hips. None whatsoever.”

“Is there at least a puppy involved? He was walking his new puppy and it got off the leash and ran to you sort of thing?”

“Actually we met through work.”

“Oh, so some secret broom-closet action huh?”

“No.”

“Not at all?”

“It was a business dinner. He’s from the next department over. We sat next to each other and really hit it off. Nothing more happened, but we’re meeting next week for lunch.”

“Can you do me a favor and pay attention to his hips this time, please?”

“I’ll make sure to request he wears a white shirt too.”  

Noona

She was a much older woman, and maybe I liked that. As she walked towards me, seductively stripping off one article of clothing at a time, her eyes in full bed-room mode, I had to admit my heart quickened. But enough was enough.

“Suzee,” I back away rapidly from the advancing woman. “This has to stop. I don’t like you like that.”

“Oh baby,” pouncing forward she grabbed hold of my shirt collar. “Don’t say that. You know you want it just as bad as I do. And I could show you such a good time,” she licked her lips in an exaggerated manner, making me cringe.

“Doesn’t matter,” I tried to gently detangle myself from her grasp. “I’m not interested in older woman.” Honestly that wasn’t the full truth, but it didn’t take me long after meeting the cougar currently pawing at my chest to realize experience comes at a price, usually sanity.

Suzee refused to let go and instead pushed me up against a wall, kissing me long and hard. I struggled to break away and finally caught a breath of air around thick lipstick. Suzee busily unbuttoned my shirt until I tightly gripped her hands in my own. “Listen to me.” I said seriously, looking her in the eyes. “I’m sorry there was a misunderstanding, but I’m not interested in you. Please put your clothes back on and leave my house.”

“Aww baby,” she cooed. “What’s wrong? I don’t bite.” She leaned forward and snapped playfully at my collarbones. I pushed her away roughly, not longer so concerned with treating her like a lady.

“I can’t be with someone as old as you.” I blurted out.

“As old as me?” She scoffed. “I’m barely over… I’m not old.” She snapped in my direction. “You’re hardly one to talk!”

“I’m only – ”

“You’re legal; that’s all that mattered.” Suzee turned away and I sighed with relief until a finger stab my chest. “You know what your problem is? You’re not man enough for me. You’ll see, older women are better. You’ll learn once you grow up.” Turning on her heels she stormed off, picking up each article of clothing she’ d tossed aside on her way to the door. Slamming it shut behind her she cut off her perfume trail, leaving me slightly scratched by her foreplay nails but otherwise no worse for wear.

Sighing fully in relief I sank to the floor, grateful I’d managed to avoid the mauling. I decided from then on to never see a woman old enough to be my mom ever again. It was just too weird. It was like dating the Crypt Keeper or something.

Love Letter

I was feeling inspired and wrote an extremely over the top, slightly old-school, love note. Enjoy the cheesiness!     

 

                I think of you again tonight. I could not sleep, for thoughts of you fill my head and drive sleep away with a cruel whip. Darling, how I miss you so. Your laughter, your eyes, the warmth of your hand holding mine. To say you are my sunshine is to say you have my heart, and every day I rise without you seems dark and cold. Seeing your smile fills my heart with pure happiness and devotion. How sad I would be to see a frown! A single tear I could not bear, plunging me into devastation. How are you? How strange it is to be without you by my side. Do you often think of me? You are so different than any man I have known before. You always did look the most handsome in suits. Ah, there is so much to do in your absence, but you have never been far from my mind. If I were to look at a map and measure the distance between us I fear it would seem rather minuscule. I feel so very close to you even when you are not here. To say you care for me more than I you would be a bold lie indeed. This must be love, no other emotion could torture me so with thoughts of us together again. When you return I shall cook a wonderful meal we shall eat together talking the afternoon away just as we did last summer. Hurry back soon so I may see the world around me in the light of day once more.

                Love eternally,

To Be Married

Last weekend my Grandma, a woman very dear to my heart, passed away at the age of 88. Her funeral was that Thursday, so I of course didn’t update as per schedule. Though it’s without a doubt the saddest thing to ever happen in my life, I want to remember the good times rather than the last moments. The following story is true!! My grandma and grandpa were married nearly 60 years and it’s a miracle nobody died of natural selection. Though there are many tales I could tell, this is probably my favorite.

I hope it amuses you at much as it does me.

 

It was a bright day without a cloud in the sky. Donald walked outside into the back lawn with his morning coffee and surveyed his land. His wife, Leona, walked past him dressed for a relaxing morning hanging laundry, basket and pins in hand.

“Are you going to paint that chair you’ve been talking about for the past week?” She smiled up at him.

“You bet,” he said, sipping his coffee with a determined look. “I’m going to use up the rest of that old paint. You’ll be knitting in that chair by tomorrow, mark my words.”

“Have fun.” Leona waved over her shoulder as she headed to the clothes line.

Finishing his coffee Donald stepped back into the house. A month ago he bought a nice old rocker from a friend; a new coat of paint and it would be good as new. Dressed in his oldest pair of overalls he walked back to the shed where the chair waited. Pulling from one of the many overflowing, but neatly organized, shelves a can of black spray paint he gave it a few good shakes. Pulling off the cap he held it a few inches away from the wood and pressed down on the nozzle. Nothing happened. He pressed down harder and nothing happened. He shook the can a few more than a few more times and pressed again, yet still nothing.

Examining the can he found the nozzle caked with hard paint from inactivity. “Hmm,” thinking up a simple solution to a simple problem he headed back to the house with the spray can, waving to his wife as he passed. Walking into the kitchen he headed to the stove and turned it on to a mild 350 degrees. When the preheat light dimmed he opened the door and quickly placed the spray can on the top rack. Figuring ten minutes would be more than enough to re-liquefy the hardened paint he set the timer and stepped outside onto the front porch, the day’s sun far too nice to miss out on.

Leona hummed quietly to herself, focused entirely on hanging her wears here and there until an explosion from the kitchen that rattled the windows set her flat on her feet and running into the house. “Don?” She called out, the usually calm woman letting panic slip into her voice. Her eyes landed on his figure standing just inside the frame leading into the living room. Relieved her husband seemed fine Leona’s eyes gradually took in the rest of the room.

Black paint covered everything. Her refrigerator, her cabinets, the table, the windows; black splatters of paint lent a macabre feeling to the once cheery room. Her stove’s door lay broken off its hinges in the middle of the floor where a small scrap of metal that once was a spray can lay dead.

Her expression said it all. Looking at her husband Leona struggled to utter an appropriate sentence through her rage. “You will buy me a new refrigerator.” She said through gritted teeth and turned away, stomping out the back door.

Donald looked around the once clean, yellow tinted kitchen and sighed deeply. Gingerly he stepped forward just enough to reach his car keys from the wall-peg they hung on. To the hardware store it was. Tomorrow would have to wait it’s turn.      

The Five Trials of Peru: Trial 5 Part 3

The next day marked the wedding. Festivities began with the rising sun and continued until the noontide meal. Peru expected to see Florette during the celebrations; after all they were for him just as much as for her. But she remained absent, instead to his right sat Lothar and to the left the mistress. She abounded in talk and laughter, seemingly the happiest of all, while his captain remained silent.

The ceremony followed the meal and proceeded without a hitch. Soft music played and the living proof of all his dreams appeared before Peru’s eyes. At long last the prince stood across from Florette, concealed by a veil and a long dress so that nothing of her skin showed. “I have dreamed of this day for many years,” he whispered, wanting nothing more than to hear her voice in response. The figure simply nodded and spoke not.  

The leader of the church stood at the head of the alter, a steady stream of chants and blessings issuing from his lips until the final moments. Just as the prince reached out to his moments-away wife to seal the ring around her finger he felt a strong pair of hands pull him away.

Stepping forward Lothar spoke to the prince but loud enough for the whole of the room to hear. “This wedding is a miserable scheme. This woman is Florette, but she is not the one you seek.” Pulling the veil from the bride’s head a hideously deformed face revealed itself. The figure fell back in shame and fear as a gasp issued from the very room they stood in. “The drawing you fell in love with is of another,” Lothar looked to the side of the room. Following his gaze Peru turned to see the girl, the slave, he had so easily dismissed, standing calmly a few feet away with an air of certainty he had never seen in another and a smile to calm even the sun’s flames. It was then he saw her for who she really was and not who others pretended her to be.   

Silence settled over the room. Prince Peru slowly approached the woman, whom he once believed to be nothing to him, and wept. Throwing himself to his knees he raised his face to hers. “I am sorry. I was a fool to believe lies when truth stood obviously before me. I am unworthy to stand by your side.”

“Many men have come seeking the nobleman’s daughter,” the girl said, kneeling next to the prince. “All these I have left to their own devices, caring for them not. But with you… I think there is hope.”

Rising to their feet the two embraced and felt true love before a rending screech ended the moment. The mistress, Florette’s mother, stood in the isle eyes ablaze. “How dare you!” She accused the girl still in Peru’s arms. “I should have killed you the moment that fool of a painter portrayed you on paper!”

A loud popping noise accompanied this curse. A woman screamed as the king of the jinn and all his men appeared at the head of the church, sending the clergyman stumbling out of the way in awkward fear. “Dear prince Peru,” the king spread his arms out wide, encompassing the whole assembly in warm benevolence. “I am pleased to see you overcome this puzzle. Ederin is the true one you seek, not Florette. The mistress, that wretch of a woman, cursed her daughter to be born undesirable by any man due to her wicked deeds throughout life. After the death of her husband she knew her extravagant lifestyle could only be maintained through the marriage of her only child to a prince. But none would consent to marry such a creature; seeing this she took the lovely Ederin and played her as heir. Once suitors came they could only see the supposed beauty they courted on the day of the wedding. But once seeing whom they truly married all called for divorce straight away. Sworn to secrecy concerning the truth word did not spread of the scheme.” The king smiled down fondly at Ederin. “Dear, sweet Ederin is a distant relative of mine who under unfortunate circumstances was kidnapped and sold, forced to serve the noble’s wife. When you landed on my island I knew you were seeking her, the picture in your pocket confirmed it. I decided to test you in worthiness to judge if you were even fit to stand before her, let alone marry. I was pleased then and I am all the more pleased now to see Ederin has decided she likes you as well. So what more is there to discuss? May the two of you find pleasure and happiness with each other as long as each shall live.” With that the Jinn king smote the mistress where she stood, riding the world of her. Peru and Ederin, along with the captain and the rest of his men, all rode on the backs of jinn to their island where a proper wedding took place without a hitch or lie.

The party flew back to Peru’s homeland, which he had not seen in over ten years. In an act of kindness the Prince and his new bride brought the poor Florette back as well. Shunned and locked in the attic since birth she was innocent in her mother’s schemes. She led the rest of her life happily, spending most of her time outside in the gardens making up for lost time.

True to his word Peru opened his treasury and served each family of the men lost on the journey with everything they would need to lead a comfortable life for many generations to come, hoping to make amends and receive a pardon from the surviving family members. Pleased with the act no one begrudged him.

The tale of Peru’s quest soon spread throughout the kingdom and he became a hero to the people. They also regarded Ederin fondly, her rise from slavery endearing her to their hearts.

With his heir back in the country safe and sound Peru’s father died a few months later, elevating the prince to king and Ederin to queen. Lothar, Peru’s truest and most reliable friend, stayed in the kingdom as the king’s advisor, serving faithfully all the years he ruled. They were visited often by the Jinn king, who loved to tell anyone who would listen the wild stories of a young boy beneath a pear tree who fell in love with a painting.